'If I knew that you were coming I'd've baked a cake'

BLOG. Oh how Ive missed you... due to a technical error (stupid bt...the fastest broadband my bum'ole), the only contact with the world wide web that I have been allowed was facebook. As someone said to me, 'well at least it got your priorities right'. I even succumbed to handwriting blogs in my notebook and writing lists about what I needed to blog about. That's dedication (plus more than a little sad...)

ANYWAY, I have so much to blog about. Starting with this cake.

As inspired by Becca's post I decided to make a cake for a garden party. Knowing I couldn't take on this culinary challenge alone I invited Sally (mere non-blogging mortal) to join me. It was spectacular fun and the end product was sickeningly good (and I'm sure responsible for several dental issues amongst our friends). Here's the journey we took in photos.

... the ingredients. Artfully arranged of course.

Cake mix. Mickey mouse style.

Doesn't it look real?

The first lot of 'ketchup' icing went AWFULLY wrong.

This stuff stained our hands. Literally for days. Sally looked like Shrek...

Mmmmm... Onions, Pickles, Lettuce and Tomatoes.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX.

In other news, I realised I STILL haven't blogged about LANDAN (horrific, but true). It was 'Grace Jones' personified (FIERCE) of course. I find myself much more at home in cities (I'm definitely NOT a country gal - the thought of churning butter and chewing cud and milking ole daisy makes me shudder), and going down for the day just reiterated the idea in my mind that I would like to go to university there (if i get the grades and the money...). Anyway we went to beyond retro and spent hours in there (PURE BUM) and then headed up to absolute vintage, stopping at a couple of the places that caught our eye on the way. We spent literally HOURS in absolute vintage, and I ended up buying a New York Giants player's jacket (partly because I fell in LOVE with it, and partly because it'd look suspicious, not to mention just plain rude, if we spent three hours in there and then didn't buy anything...) for just £25 because it had a few stains and holes here and there. I don't mind seen as those stain and holes were made by an ACTUAL NYC Giants player. Even my brother (the hardest mortal on this earth to impress) was, well, impressed. Though he did say 'Yeah it's cool. Shame it's from such a crap team though', which kinda rained on my parade a little (the sunshine came out again when Becca was openly jealous of it though). PICTURES TO COME, watch this space. We also went into spittalfields market, bought Becca an amazingly Becca-ish birthday present, and then realised we were running late and ran like the wind to the subway (yes, I know it's called 'the underground but subway is both easier and nicer to say). We ran into a monkey on the way. He tried to kiss me but luckily his muzzle (?) got in the way.

After a lovely late lunch at pizza express (TWO FOR ONE YES PLEASE), we headed down to the theatre and saw dirty dancing, which FYI (seems appropriate) is amazing.

Sorry for the blur. We weren't supposed to take photos. Pure Stealth...

Then we caught the train home, which was surprisingly relaxing (I'm ashamed to say I almost fell asleep, mouth hanging open in 'fly catcher' mode and everything).

So I'm off to Y-not Festival for the weekend. Expect a blog about THAT, a trilby, a dress, my new favourite shop and news on my grans 50th anniversary shabang which was last weekend, upon my return. I hope you're still here when I get back. WOW. Long blog. I guess I had space to fill...

Now please enjoy these images.

... We (Adam and Me) were in a play

(LOL jk we just like to dress up in our spare time)

THE most disgusting thing known to mankind.

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand BAM spider.

'Before the internet people were writing 'fuck you' and then attaching it to pigeons'

Okay so YAY (or WAX, as predictive text tells me) my Internet has returned. After seven (? - the days kind of blurred into one, this might even be a craving-induced mirage) long facebook-less, blog-less, horoscope-less days we fixed the broadband box and I am now OFFISH (said with emphasis on the fish, like a shortened version of officially not like office with a lisp) online again. Also more WAX for a duvet day. My stinking unshowered self wrapped in a duvet on my godlike sofa watching fresh prince reruns, eating lots of food and writing this blog on my brother's laptop (!) which I have stolen while he's travelling for a month. Lazy days are the best...

So Cheryl Cole has malaria. Her 'good deeds' (aka. cameo appearance in malnourished impoverished country) have come back to bite her on the ass. Seen as people have started getting 'dimple-jobs' (latest plastic surgery fad) to get themselves a 'Mrs C' cute-sexy smile, I can't help but wonder how long it'll be before they start importing mosquitoes in the hope of infecting themselves with malaria to get themselves a 'Mrs C' painful-gross death (ahaha I'm so witty and cynical.)

Also this is HUGELY unpatriotic of me but I'm glad we English finally got kicked out of the world cup. It was about time that we stopped deluding ourselves and realised that we haven't won the world cup since 1966 (when, suspiciously enough, we were the host country... the word 'fix' comes to mind) and that isn't about to change now. I used to be able to bring myself to watch the world cup; I could at least be awe-inspired/ distracted by the pretty country, sickening patriotism, the fans, or even the beautiful players. But now I find myself faced with vuvuzelas, heightened domestic abuse and Wayne Rooney.

And now for MY LIFE. Recently was prom. I have few decent photos so shall steal other peoples. OBSERVE.

We found one of those cut out things which you stick your heads through, hilair as you can tell. The beautiful Erin is on your far left, then ROGER (molly #2), then DOOM (Adam) and then me.

The wind was up and ready to annoy (and destroy) our hair. This is the ONLY wind free photo I can find.

We also found a really pretty mirror so we vogue'd it and posed. We told Sally (the girl in the front) that it would be a 'silly' photo and then all smiled. True hilarity.

(Please excuse the leg flash. I was attempting to save my dress from the murky depths below.)


It was pretty but it was also £200 I'll never see again. After we had a party in a field. It was fun till it got light and we realised how much horse poo we were sitting in. I now have a weird bite on my leg. It is either that of a horsefly or a human. I'm not sure which is better; to be honest I had my fingers crossed for a malaria infested mosquito.

(NB. Deja vu? You may have seen this photo on Becca's post - it is her photo, but it's also of me. THEREFORE, I have the right to steal/ use it)

Having slept for the last few days (though the black circles under my eyes are relentless and appear to be painted on) my memory is kind of sketchy. Last night I had a tell all sesh with my friend Andy. It's nice to know that he is insecure and has problems too; plus he gave me nuggets to the interior of a guy's mind.

I should really be buying pesto right now. Fly my pretties, FLY.