14 October 2010
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them. And others have laptops.
...I don't. I am OWED one, we're just waiting for an extremely special special offer. The specialness is yet to be specified.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't some sort of rebellion. My mother is no more inclined to buy me a laptop when I'm not blogging then when I am. In truth, she doesn't even know about this blog. This is simply me rejecting my computer. Because it hates me. And, I have to say, the feeling is mutual...
19 August 2010
08 August 2010
Let me explain. Normally I work today and, having done so for the past two years, I've forgotten what to do on Sundays. Is there some code of conduct? I'm not religious, so there is no need to bring out the Sunday best. The reason I'm not at work is because my parents are away, so there's no Sunday Roast to prepare (mac and cheese is a much preferable option anyway.) Is there any point in Sundays? They seem rather benign. I have never longed for my (somewhat shitty) job as a waitress as much as I do now. My world has been turned upside down. On a Sunday. How ironic...
So blog, I turn to you in the hope that you can get me through the next 8 hours 35 minutes. Then it will be Monday. There's got to be something to do on Monday, right?
...my cat is twitching. I'm going to take that as a bad omen.
06 August 2010
'And I say hey (HEY!) what a wonderful kind of day, where you learn to work and play. And get along with each other...'
So, onwards and upwards, with the various delights of my life...
Most people would do things in chronological order, but I like to mix things up a little, so I'll work my way backwards (OH THE THRILL).
Y-not Festival. It was a roller coaster weekend of ups and downs, for sure. If I told you the downs in full, you may come to the misguided conclusion that I didn't have a good time (as my brother did: 'sounds like you had a rate shit time'). That would be a lie. So I'll tell you them quickly, in a monosyllabic tone (as far as is possible), in the hope that you will skim read and not get the wrong idea.
So, here, Ynot. Summed up in words, phrases and photos:
Daisy Dares You (Honestly, she was purely AMAZING). Ok Go. Randomly taking part in a yoga class. The Quotes. Getting 11 out of 50 on a 'pub quiz'. The people. The late night drunken chats and times. Chica. Ritz crackers at 7am. Fancy dress. Meeting Jesus and his black and white cat. 18p white wine spritzer. Nachos. Circus tricks. 'When a guy's lined up for the portaloos with a bog roll, you know he's either off for a crafty wank or a shit.' Dancing to no music. Randomly bursting into song, only to have the whole campsite join in (especially when the 'song' was the theme tune from Arthur.) The Rash (local phenomenon). Blood red shoes. At the risk of sounding 'special': NEW FRIENDS. Running into people from Ynot'09. ARE YOU BUZZIN? ARE YOU LOVIN IT? Being with the guys who made unused condoms look used and then placed them strategically on unfortunate people. Watching the reactions of the aforementioned 'unfortunate people'. '...Ellie. I think I just pooed myself' (this is also one of the principal reasons why I will not do weed). Matt Dawson. SAN DIEGOOOOO. Rave Tent warmth. Drunken Sailor. A nice gesture from the mad hatter (the gesture shall remain unnamed at the risk of leaking info to REAL people (people I know)). Adopting weird items of clothing from weird people. The train driver. Choo choo. Adam Mckee && Issy Cecil (an almighty combo). 'I'm sorry... Ive just got to ask. Are you gay?' '...no' 'Aw man. Jusht. Jusht. Lemme give you a hug. Cause you're straight.' *this happened between 'Jonno' and Matt. Matt is most definitely gay. And camp with it.* 'Have you had a poo yet?' '...no. I'm a virgin'. Watching Adam get his stuff into the festival (video BELOW). WORKING the craaaaaaaaazy hats. The story of the girl who pooed in her hand (if you want to know more on that one just let me know. It sounds disgusting. It is. But it's also true hilarity). Just... EVERYTHING (apart from the bad. and the ugly. obviously. but other than that, EVERYTHING.)
One girl and her silly antics. The fact that our (once lovely) camp got crashed by bad people. Robbery. The price of food. Looking for the first aid tent in the dark and rain (an impossible task). Actually having to inject my wildly drunk diabetic friend. Sick. The portaloos. The BRIGHT ORANGE log of a poo IN one of the portaloos. Missing Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. Being (basically) molested. People whining. Expensive (and shit) sausage panini. BITCH BROKE MY SUNGLASSES. Having a (very high) person whom I barely know grab me and say 'THIS MY GIRLFRIEND' several times before slobbering on my face. And my hat. (i ran away). DERYN'S DIRTY SOCKS. It all being over for another year...
(okay so the monsyllabic thing didnt work out so great)
Me. The whole weekend, I (apparently) looked awful. I only realised this AFTERWARDS. I'd like to blame this on lack of sleep, lack of showers and lack of mirrors. It would probably be more politically correct to blame it on my genes. Honestly, the photo evidence is so bad I may have to not show you it.
...I will, of course. But clicking 'publish post' will be a fight harder than anything Jaden Smith faces in Karate Kid, I promise you.
OBSERVE (and these are the 'good' ones).
The following photos aren't actually mine, as I was a silly bean and didn't take any (plus I had an irrational fear of taking expensive things with me. A fear that proved to be highly valid when the guy in the tent next to me had £30 and a tin of beans stolen from his tent), and actually belong to my beautiful friends. If you object to the fact that I stole your photos, please kindly comment and I will remove:
This is the first photo taken of the festival. It basically sums Adam up (note that he had only had ONE SIP of the scrumpy jack you see in the foreground. SHAMEFUL)
Grace (on the left) was amazing at hula hooping. Me? Not so much...
We attempted a triple two way. That would be 3 hoops and 2 girls. Yeah, it didn't work out so great...
We judge people on the way they say falafel. Say it with me: 'fa-LOHfull'
Adam and jelly. Really makes for a good photo. I later found some of that same jelly in my sleeping bag.
This is a highly disturbing thought.
Dont you just pity the fool? (PLEASE READ THIS IN A MR T QUOTE MANNER. NOT A BITCHY COMMENT MANNER. THANKS)
This is the SESS (pit). Looking almighty proud of herself.
PIMP (my face please)
This isn't just food. This is M'n'S food. LOL jk it's just food. Pretty tasty though.
Because he's worth it (?)
THE BEST COUPLE SINCE FALAFEL AND HUMMUS.
Her Adorbz know no limits.
He works it like a polaroid picture. Ironically enough he shakes it like this too.
Please excuse the boobcrack. This photo basically sums up my weekend.
aaaaaand BAM! Erin looking irritatingly gorgeous. But we'll forgive her. Cause she's cool.
I swear that isn't even everything. But my weekend was amazing. I look back and smile. BAD BITS? What bad bits?
OKAY. Now we move on to my Grans 50th Wedding Anniversary. It was 'nice'. A chance to mingle with the old people of the world. BUT HEY HEY. My grandad gave me £50. Plus, it clearly made my Gran happy - and the weekend was about her (and my grandad, but hey. It was to celebrate a marriage, and the woman is always right and, let's face it, more important). Plus Plus (I already used plus) I got a new dress out of it. Its beautiful and from my new favourite shop, M Butterfly. You see that little link right there? Click it. You'll never look back. At first I thought it was just a little one off shop. It's run by these really cute Japanese people and the shop just seemed so 'them'. It was only when I got home that I realised it was a chain. This made me happy - now I can order online! Speaking of butterflies, check out what I found whilst munching on a packet of cinema sweet popcorn and watching 'The taking of Pelham 123' (which, by the way, is very hard to take seriously. The principal bad guy was John Travolta. I've seen him in leather pants and dressed as a woman. He's so not bad.)
It's a piece of popcorn that looks like a butterfly. I snapped it. Then I ate it. I love little things that make you appreciate life.
OKAY, so opinion time. A lot of my friends have been doing the thirty days of truth thing. Reading their answers, I started to envisage my own. So, sad as I am, I began writing them down in a notebook. I'm now up to day 6, but I'm not sure whether to publish or not. PLEASE, if you have an opinion, advise me. Do you want to know the ins and outs of my mind , or would you rather stay away from that pit of despair? (NB. it's not really a pit of despair, it just sounded poetic). I originally only started it as an exercise to 'discover' myself - as I feel that that was basically the point of the 30 days of truth. Not to tell other people how you feel, or use it as an attention seeking devise (JUST SO YOU KNOW, by saying that I'm thinking of no names - it's just a thought. I don't want to come across as an attention seeking whore), but to find it out about yourself. So. To publish, or not to publish? That is the question...
FINALEMENT, I would like to welcome my new followers. Actually, as this is something I have (rudely) never done before, I guess I should welcome ALL of my followers. Seriously, all 13 of you guys make me happy. So head on over to that little box to the right named 'beautiful people' and have a look at everyone because they're all awesome. With a capital A (oh the irony!).
Now please enjoy this video of Adam struggling his way into Ynot. I know I do:
Having looked through that post, I realise that I WAY overuse brackets. For this I apologise (I started with an apology and ended with one. What a nice ironic little wrap-up).
22 July 2010
ANYWAY, I have so much to blog about. Starting with this cake.
... the ingredients. Artfully arranged of course.
As inspired by Becca's post I decided to make a cake for a garden party. Knowing I couldn't take on this culinary challenge alone I invited Sally (mere non-blogging mortal) to join me. It was spectacular fun and the end product was sickeningly good (and I'm sure responsible for several dental issues amongst our friends). Here's the journey we took in photos.
Doesn't it look real?
The first lot of 'ketchup' icing went AWFULLY wrong.
This stuff stained our hands. Literally for days. Sally looked like Shrek...
Mmmmm... Onions, Pickles, Lettuce and Tomatoes.
In other news, I realised I STILL haven't blogged about LANDAN (horrific, but true). It was 'Grace Jones' personified (FIERCE) of course. I find myself much more at home in cities (I'm definitely NOT a country gal - the thought of churning butter and chewing cud and milking ole daisy makes me shudder), and going down for the day just reiterated the idea in my mind that I would like to go to university there (if i get the grades and the money...). Anyway we went to beyond retro and spent hours in there (PURE BUM) and then headed up to absolute vintage, stopping at a couple of the places that caught our eye on the way. We spent literally HOURS in absolute vintage, and I ended up buying a New York Giants player's jacket (partly because I fell in LOVE with it, and partly because it'd look suspicious, not to mention just plain rude, if we spent three hours in there and then didn't buy anything...) for just £25 because it had a few stains and holes here and there. I don't mind seen as those stain and holes were made by an ACTUAL NYC Giants player. Even my brother (the hardest mortal on this earth to impress) was, well, impressed. Though he did say 'Yeah it's cool. Shame it's from such a crap team though', which kinda rained on my parade a little (the sunshine came out again when Becca was openly jealous of it though). PICTURES TO COME, watch this space. We also went into spittalfields market, bought Becca an amazingly Becca-ish birthday present, and then realised we were running late and ran like the wind to the subway (yes, I know it's called 'the underground but subway is both easier and nicer to say). We ran into a monkey on the way. He tried to kiss me but luckily his muzzle (?) got in the way.
After a lovely late lunch at pizza express (TWO FOR ONE YES PLEASE), we headed down to the theatre and saw dirty dancing, which FYI (seems appropriate) is amazing.
Sorry for the blur. We weren't supposed to take photos. Pure Stealth...
Then we caught the train home, which was surprisingly relaxing (I'm ashamed to say I almost fell asleep, mouth hanging open in 'fly catcher' mode and everything).
So I'm off to Y-not Festival for the weekend. Expect a blog about THAT, a trilby, a dress, my new favourite shop and news on my grans 50th anniversary shabang which was last weekend, upon my return. I hope you're still here when I get back. WOW. Long blog. I guess I had space to fill...
Now please enjoy these images.
(LOL jk we just like to dress up in our spare time)
...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand BAM spider.
06 July 2010
So Cheryl Cole has malaria. Her 'good deeds' (aka. cameo appearance in malnourished impoverished country) have come back to bite her on the ass. Seen as people have started getting 'dimple-jobs' (latest plastic surgery fad) to get themselves a 'Mrs C' cute-sexy smile, I can't help but wonder how long it'll be before they start importing mosquitoes in the hope of infecting themselves with malaria to get themselves a 'Mrs C' painful-gross death (ahaha I'm so witty and cynical.)
Also this is HUGELY unpatriotic of me but I'm glad we English finally got kicked out of the world cup. It was about time that we stopped deluding ourselves and realised that we haven't won the world cup since 1966 (when, suspiciously enough, we were the host country... the word 'fix' comes to mind) and that isn't about to change now. I used to be able to bring myself to watch the world cup; I could at least be awe-inspired/ distracted by the pretty country, sickening patriotism, the fans, or even the beautiful players. But now I find myself faced with vuvuzelas, heightened domestic abuse and Wayne Rooney.
And now for MY LIFE. Recently was prom. I have few decent photos so shall steal other peoples. OBSERVE.
We found one of those cut out things which you stick your heads through, hilair as you can tell. The beautiful Erin is on your far left, then ROGER (molly #2), then DOOM (Adam) and then me.
The wind was up and ready to annoy (and destroy) our hair. This is the ONLY wind free photo I can find.
We also found a really pretty mirror so we vogue'd it and posed. We told Sally (the girl in the front) that it would be a 'silly' photo and then all smiled. True hilarity.
(Please excuse the leg flash. I was attempting to save my dress from the murky depths below.)
It was pretty but it was also £200 I'll never see again. After we had a party in a field. It was fun till it got light and we realised how much horse poo we were sitting in. I now have a weird bite on my leg. It is either that of a horsefly or a human. I'm not sure which is better; to be honest I had my fingers crossed for a malaria infested mosquito.
(NB. Deja vu? You may have seen this photo on Becca's post - it is her photo, but it's also of me. THEREFORE, I have the right to steal/ use it)
Having slept for the last few days (though the black circles under my eyes are relentless and appear to be painted on) my memory is kind of sketchy. Last night I had a tell all sesh with my friend Andy. It's nice to know that he is insecure and has problems too; plus he gave me nuggets to the interior of a guy's mind.
I should really be buying pesto right now. Fly my pretties, FLY.
23 June 2010
"I'm going to wear a tuxedo and a top hat with no pants and I'm going to paint my penis with lipstick."
Yesterday it came to my attention that the not-so elusive couple Kate Perry and Russel Brand are getting married in ...latex (ironic as, due to Brand's 'ex' (...ha) sex addiction, rubber probably plays a large part in their relationship. Crude, but true).
The latex nun's habit, which featured in Gaga's Alejandro video (and was branded by many critics as the 'highlight'), and the traffic-light-red plastic monstrosity the same woman/ mannequin deemed fit for the Queen (literally) were both designed by the same designer that the 'to-be' couple have asked to take on this... challenge. The Japanese designer, 'Atsuko Kudo' for those of you who want to look her up, is not your average kooky designer, however. The woman is single-handedly trying to bring fetish wear 'out of the bedroom and into the ballroom'. She makes everything from tight rubber dresses to latex berets (which have an unfortunate resemblance to an over sized condom). Weird. Personally, I don't think the latex wedding attire will work out. Then again, I'm just as pessimistic about their marriage.
MOVING ON FROM MY PESSIMISM. My search for the perfect dress is ongoing (and on-failing). It seems that there's always something in my way. I either cant afford it, cant fit in it, cant pull it off or cant bring myself to wear it/all of them at once.
...I'm going to LANDAN on Friday (updates ON THEIR WAY). Maybe I'll find a little treasure there (and not be able to afford it, just my luck).
I also forgot to tell you. Ive fallen in love with Margaux Morris and her amazing collection of barbie jewellery (made OF barbies, not for them). Unfortunately I (again) can't afford any of her unique pieces, I'm going to use the oodles of time I have this summer to (PRO)CREATE (ie. attempt at making my own). Photos/ further info on the barbie massacre will follow (stay tuned).
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand. SIGN OFF PHRASE.
Ps. I'm stupid and forgot to post this post. It was actually written at 12pm (GMT) on 23/06/10 not 26/06/10. I WASN'T NEGLECTING YOU QUITE SO HARSHLY.