'Before the internet people were writing 'fuck you' and then attaching it to pigeons'

Okay so YAY (or WAX, as predictive text tells me) my Internet has returned. After seven (? - the days kind of blurred into one, this might even be a craving-induced mirage) long facebook-less, blog-less, horoscope-less days we fixed the broadband box and I am now OFFISH (said with emphasis on the fish, like a shortened version of officially not like office with a lisp) online again. Also more WAX for a duvet day. My stinking unshowered self wrapped in a duvet on my godlike sofa watching fresh prince reruns, eating lots of food and writing this blog on my brother's laptop (!) which I have stolen while he's travelling for a month. Lazy days are the best...

So Cheryl Cole has malaria. Her 'good deeds' (aka. cameo appearance in malnourished impoverished country) have come back to bite her on the ass. Seen as people have started getting 'dimple-jobs' (latest plastic surgery fad) to get themselves a 'Mrs C' cute-sexy smile, I can't help but wonder how long it'll be before they start importing mosquitoes in the hope of infecting themselves with malaria to get themselves a 'Mrs C' painful-gross death (ahaha I'm so witty and cynical.)

Also this is HUGELY unpatriotic of me but I'm glad we English finally got kicked out of the world cup. It was about time that we stopped deluding ourselves and realised that we haven't won the world cup since 1966 (when, suspiciously enough, we were the host country... the word 'fix' comes to mind) and that isn't about to change now. I used to be able to bring myself to watch the world cup; I could at least be awe-inspired/ distracted by the pretty country, sickening patriotism, the fans, or even the beautiful players. But now I find myself faced with vuvuzelas, heightened domestic abuse and Wayne Rooney.

And now for MY LIFE. Recently was prom. I have few decent photos so shall steal other peoples. OBSERVE.

We found one of those cut out things which you stick your heads through, hilair as you can tell. The beautiful Erin is on your far left, then ROGER (molly #2), then DOOM (Adam) and then me.

The wind was up and ready to annoy (and destroy) our hair. This is the ONLY wind free photo I can find.

We also found a really pretty mirror so we vogue'd it and posed. We told Sally (the girl in the front) that it would be a 'silly' photo and then all smiled. True hilarity.

(Please excuse the leg flash. I was attempting to save my dress from the murky depths below.)


It was pretty but it was also £200 I'll never see again. After we had a party in a field. It was fun till it got light and we realised how much horse poo we were sitting in. I now have a weird bite on my leg. It is either that of a horsefly or a human. I'm not sure which is better; to be honest I had my fingers crossed for a malaria infested mosquito.

(NB. Deja vu? You may have seen this photo on Becca's post - it is her photo, but it's also of me. THEREFORE, I have the right to steal/ use it)

Having slept for the last few days (though the black circles under my eyes are relentless and appear to be painted on) my memory is kind of sketchy. Last night I had a tell all sesh with my friend Andy. It's nice to know that he is insecure and has problems too; plus he gave me nuggets to the interior of a guy's mind.

I should really be buying pesto right now. Fly my pretties, FLY.